Time for something a little different. As many of you know, I'm a huge fan of dreadful cinema. Few things cheers me up like watching Steven Segal pretend he can still fight nowadays when he resembles a glazed ham and nothing balances my karma like watching Shaquille O'Neill act exclusively with his teeth and giant bald head. Bad movies are just good movies in cunning disguises, once you figure them out a whole world of campy delights is yours!
As I've been watching a lot of awful films lately, I've noticed language is the first great barrier for many actors. Accents can under-mine performances, ruin otherwise solid dialogue and sometimes make a bad movie into a stone-cold classic of mumbled phonetics and mis-pronunciation. Over the next few days I'm running the first of my series of Best Worst scenes, the accent edition. If people like these I may do more again in the future. In the meantime, here's No.1, an updated version of a scene I reviewed on my last website, for all the old fans. Which is to say Sally (BFF etc). Anyhow, enjoy!
Best Worst Scenes (Accents Edition) No.1 -Guile defies orders in Street Fighter : The Movie
Guilty Party - Jean Claude Van Damme.
Street Fighter : The Movie is a comedic gem. From M Bison (Raul Julia) eating all the scenery and shitting plaster (R.I.P you magnificent bastard) to some genuinely funny moments involving Zangief (Andrew Bryniarski) and Dee Jay (Miguel A. Nunez Jr.), be it casually rolling their eyes at their bosses insane statements or bemoaning their non-payment in the most goofy way possible.
While Raul Julia is the over-all highlight of this film, the stand-out scene firmly belongs to Jean Cluade Van Damme and his portrayal of Colonel Guile (formerly Major Guile in the games). Playing one of the most all-American characters in any game, would you cast a man notorious for his poor English and incredibly thick Belgium accent? Still, when he isn't breaking up cage matches with a tank or pointlessly chilling out in a body bag (seriously) Guile is raising the troops spirits with some hilarious dialogue. Case in point, Guiles inspiration speech to his troops upon being told that the war is over and Bison has won. Here is a transcription of the speech, accent intact, to give you some idea of why I'm pretty sure the troops cheer at the end out of confusion...
Guile (takes podium, looks somberly at his troops) : True purrs, I jury-sieved new ore-ders.
Hour superiors s-hay de whoar eis can-selled; weekend all go hom.
Bye-sun eis gidding pay uff for heez crimes, and are frense who half dyed hair will half dyed fa nathing.
Bud, weekend all go hom. Mean while, I deers like piss, free dumb, and just-dis: dey get pecked up.
Bud, weekend all go hom. Whale, I'm nut goin home. I'm gonna get on my bh-oat, and I'm going up ree-ver, and I'm going to KE-ICK... dat sunufa bitch Bison's ass so HORDE... dat de necks Bison wallaby as gunna fill et.
No who ones to go hum, and who whants to go whiff me!
Witness the scene in all it's glory here (his speech starts at 1.28mins into the video). For added point's, you have got to love the snobby British guy who seems positively uplifted by his side's surrender. Jolly good show. But before you watch it, I must warn you. You may loss your balls. If there are any problems with the viewer below, there is an external link, just click here.
See you tomorrow at 4pm for the next thrilling installment, til then!