Plot:
Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) likes Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), a vampire whose massive forehead can be seen from space. Strangely, rather then being an epic, heart-warming drama focusing on dealing with his physical deformity, Twilight: Eclipse is instead a love story, if love was less co-dependance and closer to drug addiction (personal Heroin if you will). Oh and there’s Jacob (Taylor Lautner) who is a werewolf and also a far better partner for Bella, as he doesn't pretend she isn't there most of the time. Also, there's something about a group of vampires out to kill Bella too but seriously, she is like super in love with Edward and kinda Jacob too but not really. Like seriously, OMG you guys Edward is like sooooooo hawt, Lol!
Reasons it’s on the list:
While I didn’t expect a masterpiece, I did expect a laugh, some cheap titters at awfully written characters and bizarre motivations. That’s really what the Twilight series has come to represent for me. I'm not being anti-Twilight because its the cool thing for critics to do, the series is IMPOSSIBLE to take seriously, seeming to exist solely as an exercise in lampooning itself. But Twilight: Eclipse changed all that and was actually a relatively well acted and nicely shot film, to its credit. Sadly this ruined the fun.
Without the awkward joy of the first films hammy dialogue and stiff delivery, lacking the outright comedy that was the second films rejected Dawson’s Creek tone; this series exposes its insane plot and truly terrible characters. Even if your a fan of the books and like the story, the film has zero joy attached to it and unlike the book which allow you to place yourself in Bella's place,here its all exposition and forcing you to sympathise with characters that define unlikeable. The entire film is painfully dull and pointless, especially seeing as the trailers alluded to such an exciting, dark film. The only real darkness comes from the protagonist Bella Swan, who becomes one of the biggest villains in cinema history at the end. This is even more horrific when you consider Twilight's influence on the young girls and confused guys globally. Allowing your lead character to not just be unlikable but a total bitch (Telling Jacob she loves him only to reject him immediately afterwards) and then having the nerve to suggest this is the right thing to do… wow.
Clearly...
If you hated this, also avoid: Vampires Suck
It’s sad when a film tries to make fun of something and ends up being less funny then the subject it’s ridiculing. Vampires Suck is unfunny, unoriginal and a waste of your existence. This is genuinely painful and probably the closest film to almost make it onto this list, this could almost make Twilight haters into life-long fans just as a defensive reaction. Vampires Suck in the vein of the later Scary Movies and the spin-off series of ‘Movie’ Movies, which in itself is unforgivable. When your best joke is to attack Black Eyed Peas wardrobe, you know your film may not be Oscar worthy.
No.8 may surprise some people tomorrow... Til then!
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